Saturday, June 16, 2012

The Drabble Challenge

Today is posting day for Patti Abbott's drabble challenge.  A drabble is a story of exactly 100 words.  You'll find links to all the stories on her blog http://pattinase.blogspot.com/2012/06/drabble-challenge_16.html

And here's mine.  The final product is nowhere near what I started out writing, but that often happens with drabbles as you cut and trim, and choose just one word to replace three.  Drabbles are perfect for learning how to write tight.

COME DANCE WITH ME
by Sandra Seamans

Frankie entered eternity knowing heaven was not his destination. The men, whose lives he'd stolen, had sealed his fate long ago. But a wisp of heavenly music whispered hope.

He followed the hymns to an abandoned church, stained glass windows shattered and doors blown open. Yet, the choir created an aura of life around the abandoned building. Inside, a woman stood beneath the cross of Christ, her face hidden behind a black veil.

"Who are you?" asked Frankie.

"Your escort."

"Escort?"

Sweat beaded his forehead as flames licked their way across the floor.

"Yes, I dance the damned into Hell."

17 comments:

Paul D Brazill said...

Love it. Tarantella?

sandra seamans said...

Had to look it up, Paul, but definately Tarantella! :)

pattinase (abbott) said...

We did tarantellas in Luther League when I was a teenager. At least he goes down with a woman on his arm.

sandra seamans said...

Yes, but I so wanted to pull back that veil, but ran out of word count :)

Katherine Tomlinson said...

This story just begs to be longer. I want to see behind that veil too. Damcing to hell--something about that juxtaposition is just weirdly wonderful.

sandra seamans said...

Thanks, Katherine!

Chris Rhatigan said...

I'll take hell over heaven. Good one, Sandra.

Rob Kitchin said...

I imagine the dance is like in 'They shoot horses don't they' - you ending up dropping before the music ends, but of course in this case neither will ever end.

Always tricky trying to balance the 100 word limit with telling the story. The way to get to reveal behind the veil is to write a second one and tell the longer story through a set of drabbles?

sandra seamans said...

Thanks, Chris!

I love how everyone brings their own ideas to a flash piece, Rob. I hadn't even considered that aspect of the dance. I do like your idea of continuing the story in a series of drabble, could be interesting.

Prashant C. Trikannad said...

Terrific, Sandra, especially the first and last lines, almost poetic.

Copper Jennings said...

Wow. Just terrific.

By the way, looking forward to reading Cold Rifts.

seana said...

Wow, that old church is turning out to hold an awful lot of stories!

Nice use of the image. I like how the drabble forces us to pare down, but there is no rule against reexpanding it for a longer piece! Hope you do it.

sandra seamans said...

Thanks, Prashant.

Thanks, Copper. I hope you enjoy the stories!!

You're right, Seana, I've used many of my flash pieces to write longer stories.

Loren Eaton said...

Yay, supernatural horror!

sandra seamans said...

Yes, it's such fun to write, Loren :)

Jack Bates said...

Nice job. Reminded me of one of those American International horror flicks.

sandra seamans said...

Thanks, Jack!