As writers we're always told to avoid those dreaded adverbs, the ly words that add a flowerly flavor to our sentences. So here's a sentence that I read this morning - "Her eyes met mine levelly and coldly.".
I read that and wondered how could you convey the same meaning without the adverbs? Maybe she glared? It doesn't give the same meaning. Maybe her cold eyes stared me down? How would you change that sentence or would you?
Oh yes, the sentence comes from "The Drowning Pool" by Ross McDonald.
11 comments:
I've often wondered the same thing, Sandra. I'm all in favour of breaking the occasional rule for good effect! (And no, I wouldn't be able to write that sentence better either.)
Oh, I don't mind breaking the rules, Fiona, but some editors tend to delete adverbs just because they hate them. I wonder what one of today's editors would do to that sentence?
Adverbs are usually a good indicator that the sentence could have been written better and with more context.
She leveled her eyes at me and froze me with her stare.
Not bad, but you just turned seven words into twelve.
Still, it's better than the adverbs. And the word 'levelly' could be done away with completely.
I don't believe in a total adverb ban. My theory is that adverbs had been overused by multiple writers (especially beginners and drunks) so that a "limit your adverb use" rule was imposed by editors and at some point this rule morphed into a total prohibition as writing programs and magazines distorted the original message after repeating what they thought they heard coming from the publishing industry via the telephone game.
Not only adverbs, but modifiers in general are overused. It can be useful to write a paragraph with no adjectives, adverbs or prepositional phrases, then add in only such modifiers as make their sentence clearer and/or more effective in conveying information and/or emotion.
And, please, never use "insanely" to mean "very".
My favorite advice about adverbs is to look at the verb being modified. If the verb can be strengthened or the adverb is redundant, revise to drop the adverb. Classic examples: ran quickly vs. bolted, sprinted, whatever. Screamed loudly vs. screamed.
With great respect for McDonald, “Her eyes met mine” was the trapdoor to the adverbs.
"That wave was insanely epic." said the surfer. (using a word that would right in this context).
There are "rules", they have all been broken, know them before you break them. You know, the old Raymond Chandler split infinitive bit ("By the way, would you convey my compliments to the purist who reads your proofs and tell him or her that I write in a sort of broken-down patois which is something like the way a Swiss waiter talks, and that when I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so it will stay split, and when I interrupt the velvety smoothness of my more or less literate syntax with a few sudden words of barroom vernacular, this is done with the eyes wide open and the mind relaxed but attentive.")
Somewhere, years ago (I just tried finding a link but could not), Allan Guthrie said that the final paragraph of Joyce's The Dead breaks every writing rule in the book and is still considered the best.
Peter said it better than I did.
Well, obviously, these guidelines don't apply to a character's dialogue; write that in the way that fits the character. (Same with first-person narration.)
There's nothing wrong with splitting an infinitive in English; that rule comes from an obsession with Latin. But out of habit, I try not to needlessly do it.
Shakespeare wrote one of the most memorable phrases in English by knowing when to deliberately mix a metaphor. "To take arms against a sea of troubles ..."
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